


Fireflies

by undieshogun



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 19:56:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11192322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undieshogun/pseuds/undieshogun
Summary: When Selena first arrived, watching the fireflies reminded her of home. She wonders now if, when she watches them again back home, they will remind her of Nohr instead.After the war, Selena says her goodbyes.





	Fireflies

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this out over the course of a few days to get myself into a fresher kinda writing mood. its more bittersweet stuff but i still think it helped ahaha,...for reference, the accessories mentioned in the story are taken from the support conversations between selena and beruka. 
> 
> you can find me on twitter @shiirasagi 
> 
> enjoy!

The days in Nohr have gotten longer and warmer since the end of the war, with the mysterious banishing of the ever-present dark clouds and the return of a strong, bright sun. But Selena doubts there is anything that could ever change the horrid chill that always drifts through the halls of Castle Krakenburg in the evenings. It is the type of chill that whispers across the skin, unobtrusive but unsettling nonetheless, like the feeling of being watched from the shadows cast in the corners of the hall by the low firelight. 

It is Selena's favorite type of cold, if only because it gives her the chance to prove that she can handle it better than most others can. She can't say she will miss it, though, even as she makes her way through the castle's halls now for the last time.

The days in Ylisse were always too hot to bear, except in the winter, when they were so cold the lakes would freeze over and anyone stupid enough to try skating on them got what was coming to them. 

But the summer evenings were like nowhere else in the world, filled with gentle breezes fluttering across green meadows and sounds of nighttime wildlife stirring in the shadows, even in the city. Those evenings, when the warmth that sat thick in the air blanketed the land with a sort of lethargic, comfortable quiet, were sometimes the only thing that made the darkest moments of the war tolerable.

Selena remembers spending those evenings sitting by herself outside the camp, watching the fireflies slowly appear as the sun set over the red horizon and reveling in the peace of the moment, however fleeting. It was the only time she didn't mind being alone.

Selena walks briskly, the  _ click _ of her heeled boots muffled against dark carpet. Tall windows line the walls of the stadium-style outer wing of the castle, looking into the center tower where the throne room sits. Princess Camilla's private quarters rests on one of the higher levels, near the stables that hold the wyverns--both living and undead.

At first, it frightened Selena beyond words to learn that it was common for warriors of Nohr to ride undead wyverns. She'd had far too much experience with the undead, all of it objectively  _ bad _ , to even comprehend the idea of people controlling them and fighting together with them. And she had heard stories, too, of fighters losing control of their mounts and suffering terrible consequences, and found it incredibly stupid how many people were still willing to take that risk.

But the first time she'd seen Camilla in battle, witnessed her power and the complete control she held over her mount, everything had changed. 

Camilla's is a quiet but unyielding strength, masked but not hidden completely beneath the venomous smile she wears in battle. She revels in the thrill of killing, yet shows a genuine kindness towards those she considers her allies--even Selena, a stranger with no past and no clear intentions.

The true Camilla is warm like a summer evening in Ylisse, and she deserves a proper goodbye.

Selena isn't surprised to find Beruka standing guard in front of Camilla's door, but she is shocked (and most definitely offended) when Beruka shifts to block her way.

"Um, excuse me," says Selena, crossing her arms and tapping her foot. She cocks her hip for good measure. 

Beruka looks up at her. She's just barely eye level with Selena’s chin, but Selena knows very well at this point that Beruka is far more dangerous than her size lets on. There is steel in Beruka's gaze--it is a look normally reserved for enemies on the battlefield, but Selena doesn't let it intimidate her.

"Lady Camilla isn't taking any visitors at the moment," Beruka says, the tone of her voice as unaffected as ever.

Selena clenches her jaw. She doesn't have time for this. The moon has already risen high into the sky, and if she's the one who ends up being late, she'll never hear the end of it from the two buffoons.

"Cut the crap, Beruka. I have something important to talk to Lady Camilla about."

"I know," says Beruka.

With an exasperated sigh Selena tries to step around Beruka, but the other simply follows, blocking her path.

" _ Beruka _ \--"

"Lady Camilla has asked that I bar you, specifically, from any attempts at speaking to her tonight."

"What? You're kidding, right?" snaps Selena, and then she backtracks. "You never kid. Look, Beruka, I don't know what's gotten into Lady Camilla, but I really,  _ really _ need to speak with her tonight to--"

"I know what you're here to do, Selena."

Selena pauses at that. "Come again?"

"You think I haven't noticed? Ever since the war ended, you've been slowly erasing evidence of your existence from around the castle," says Beruka. "Your trophies and awards from various contests and tournaments that used to stand in the trophy room--all gone, probably discarded despite your sentimental nature. Your weapons and armor have been removed from the armory, and even all of your silly hair accessories and jewelry have disappeared from the bathrooms in the retainers' barracks."

Selena clears her throat and forces a laugh that comes out a bit more shaky than she would have liked. "Geez, don't you have anything better to do than stalk me all day?"

"It wasn't that hard to notice, I assure you," says Beruka. "Especially the jewelry."

Selena sighs. "Beruka, just...just let me say goodbye to her. That's it."

Beruka stands firm. "She won't be seeing you."

"I know she's mad at me for leaving, but I  _ promised _ to her--"

"She isn't angry at you. She simply doesn't want to see you," says Beruka. The stony expression on her face falls for a second, so fleeting Selena almost misses it. "It will hurt too much."

Selena's eyes widen. "Beruka..."

"The pain in her expression--it was like nothing I have ever seen. She treasures you, Selena," says Beruka, and if Selena didn't know any better, she would have thought this was Beruka's way of asking her to stay.

"She treasures us both, Beruka," Selena says in reply ."She'll still have you."

"Obviously. Why do you think I’m standing here right now?"

"...Then I won't try to push you aside," Selena concedes. "But will you tell her that I'm sorry? Just tell her I said that."

"Lady Camilla does not want your apologies."

"Beruka--"

"All she wants is for you to remember her fondly, as she will you." Beruka's voice softens. "And as I will, too."

Selena feels her heart swell as Beruka looks away, trying to hide the dusting of pink over her cheeks.

"I promise! I'll remember you guys, always!" Selena lurches forward and wraps Beruka in a tight hug, laughing when the other grunts in surprise and ignoring the way her sharp armor digs into her ribs.

"Selena," Beruka protests quietly, but she doesn't push Selena away.

"Come on, don't tell me you're not enjoying this," says Selena with a grin, squeezing her playfully. "When was the last time you even hugged someone?"

"Never," says Beruka. "Which I'm sure you already knew."

"Well, consider this a lesson in firsts," says Selena, before her smile fades into something more serious and she pulls away. "When I'm gone, Lady Camilla is going to need you to support her."

Beruka's eyebrow quirks up. "I know that."

Selena rolls her eyes. "What I mean is, you're going to have to be there for emotional support. You know, talking and listening and hugs and stuff." She ignores the lump that forms in her throat. "The stuff I used to do for her."

"Selena--" Beruka cuts herself off, then frowns slightly before sighing and nodding. "I understand."

Selena blinks a few times--gods, when did she get all misty-eyed?--and searches for something else to talk about before the waterworks really come on.

"Gods above, I wish you'd do something about that ratty cloak of yours, while we're talking about changes," she says. "Do you have any idea how embarrassing it must be for Lady Camilla to be seen with you when you dress like that?"

Beruka reaches up to grasp at the dark cloak hanging around her shoulders. "I like this one. It matches."

It is then that Selena notices the small brooch pinned onto the inside of the cloak, partially hidden inside the folds. It's in the shape of a star, nothing particularly special in terms of flashiness, but Selena knows its worth, because she and Camilla both have matching ones. And Beruka is right; it does go along nicely with the cloak. 

"You know you could just buy another one, right? I'm sure it wouldn't be all that hard to find a normal purple cloak."

Beruka shrugs and doesn't say anything, but Selena knows she doesn't care to find another cloak, not unless that one was a gift from Camilla as well.

Selena shakes her head and lets it go. She doesn't have time to argue, anyway, judging by the angle at which the light from the full moon is streaming through the windows of the castle hall.

"I have to go now, Beruka," she says. "Take care of Lady Camilla for me, all right?"

"Hold on," says Beruka. "There's still one last thing."

Selena glances out the window once again, but stays. "What is it?"

Beruka hesitates for a second, looking away as if she isn't sure what to say.

"Well?" prompts Selena, not because she is impatient, but because she is nervous that what Beruka has to say will only make it harder for her to leave.

"Just...wait here for a moment."

Before Selena can protest, Beruka scuttles off and disappears into the shadows.

"Great," grumbles Selena as the sound of Beruka’s quiet footsteps fades. 

She turns towards the door to Camilla’s room, now unguarded. “Beruka, you dummy. What was the point of stopping me if you were just going to leave, anyway?” 

Selena grasps the handle, but hesitates. She knows Beruka wasn’t lying when she said Camilla didn’t want to see her. 

Camilla has known loss since she was a child, has grown up seeing the people she cared about disappear before her eyes over and over.  _ My siblings, my retainers, _ she used to tell Selena during those rare quiet moments they had together in between all the hectic happenings of the Nohrian court and then the war,  _ people I’d loved and people I’d barely known, taken from me by the evils of this world. And every time hurts just the same as the last.  _

In this respect, Selena has always known she and Camilla are the same. 

So when Camilla told her once that she would rather kill Selena herself than lose her, Selena could tell she meant it not out of malice or possessiveness, but out of a deep, melancholy-tainted fear, and never once resented her for it. 

But Selena also knows that she is no one, just a stranger who doesn’t belong in this world--never did and never will. There will be others in Camilla’s life who will stay longer, do more for her, mean more to her; and in the years to come Selena will just become another distant, fond memory. 

She turns the handle--only to find that it doesn’t budge. Locked. 

With a sigh, Selena releases the handle and instead turns to stare out the window across from her. The windows lining the inner ring of the castle all face inwards, so there's not much to see except for whatever's going on through the windows on the other side. It works well for the servants and soldiers who enjoy snooping, but even then everyone in this castle is so uptight nothing worth gossiping about ever happens anyway.

Every once in awhile, though, the air will be just warm enough that a few stray fireflies will be tempted to wander in. There are never so many of them as to cause a scene--any creature who ends up within the inner ring of the castle is usually lost and the smart ones of their kind won't follow them--but their lights glow brightly just the same, dotting the dark backdrop with little yellow pinpricks, like stars in the night sky.

When Selena first arrived, watching the fireflies reminded her of home. She wonders now if, when she watches them again back home, they will remind her of Nohr instead.

Light footsteps coming from her right indicate Beruka's return, and Selena turns to see her holding a large silver axe in her hands.

"Hey!" Alarmed, Selena steps back and reaches down toward her hip, only to realise she is unarmed. 

"Relax. I'm not attacking you," says Beruka, and for a second Selena swears she hears a hint of snark in her voice. She raises the axe non-threateningly, keeping the blade pointing towards the ground. "You recognise this weapon, don't you?"

"What? Why should I--" Selena blinks as an inscription on the flat of the blade catches her eye. A single rose in full bloom, attached to a stem covered in thorns. "That's Lady Camilla's axe!"

Beruka nods. "She wanted you to have it."

"Me? But...this is her favorite axe. She can't go into battle without it."

Beruka's expression remains blank, eyes gleaming dangerously. "Before you continue protesting, just know that Lady Camilla ordered me to not allow you to leave without it."

Selena isn't surprised at the less than subtle threat, and she knows that Beruka will make good on it as well, but she still doesn’t make any move to accept the axe. "You know, in my country...it's considered bad luck to give a personal weapon away as a gift. Your weapon protects you. Having to replace it means you'll have to spend time getting readjusted to a new weapon, leaving you vulnerable."

"Irrelevant, considering we are currently in Nohr," Beruka retorts without missing a beat. "And in Nohr, the custom of giving away one's most favored weapon is respected, and represents a gesture of deep emotional attachment and well wishes. Reject this if you must, but know that in doing so you will hurt Lady Camilla even more than you already have."

Selena's heart sinks. "Oh. I, um...I didn't know that."

"Lady Camilla protected both of us with this axe. No matter where she goes, I will always follow. But you’re leaving, and I've seen how it pains her to know that she will no longer be able to protect you," says Beruka, and if her voice wavers near the end, Selena knows better than to point it out.

"I was supposed to be the one protecting her," says Selena. "If both you and her only see me as someone who needs to be protected after all this time, then I've failed her...Not that I didn't already know that, seeing as I'm--" She clears her throat. "Since I'm leaving." 

Beruka's brow furrows deeply. It may be the most intense display of emotion Selena has ever seen from her. "That isn't what this means. Lady Camila saw you as more than just her retainer, Selena. She saw you as her friend. She believed that you might feel the same way, and accept this gift."

"I-I'm not...I was just her retainer. Just a servant, nothing more," insists Selena. "We never shared any sort of special connection."

Beruka looks up at her, eyes narrowed...and then her expression softens. "Yet you look distressed."

The statement, delivered so flatly and yet with the barest gleam of concern in Beruka’s eyes, startles Selena. "What? I don’t--" She feels her cheeks heat up, and forces a fierce scowl onto her face. 

"Selena," says Beruka, and the way the tone in her voice commands attention makes Selena pause. It is rare that Beruka ever raises her voice higher than so much as a murmur.

Selena grits her teeth and ducks her head, choosing instead to look down at the ground as a lump rises to her throat.

"What are you so afraid to admit that you care for Lady Camilla?"

"I'm not afraid!" Selena snaps on reflex. "I-I just...You wouldn't understand, okay? You don't know what it's like to be around people...to grow close with them while knowing the entire time that there will come a point where you'll never see them again." 

"That's not true. We will all leave each other eventually. Death severs all bonds, without fail." 

Selena's mouth falls open, and she almost laughs at the genuine sincerity in Beruka's voice. "That's so not the same! Death is the end, but this...Gods, you'll think me petty for this, but knowing that even after I leave, the two of you will still have each other, while I'm stuck missing you guys all on my own--" Selena sighs, suddenly wishing she hadn't opened her mouth in the first place. "No one will remember you and Lady Camilla like I will, and that makes me think that it would have been better to just...pretend like I never knew you two at all."

Beruka closes her eyes. "I wouldn’t know whether thinking like that makes you a petty person. I'm unfamiliar with that sort of...emotion."

Selena really does laugh this time, an exasperated huff. "Of course you aren't."

"But I think you're wrong."

Selena blinks. "Excuse me?"

"It wouldn't be better for you to just pretend like you never knew us," Beruka says.

"And how would you know?"

"I don't know your true name, nor do I know where you come from, but I still know you." Beruka's expression remains unreadable, but her eyes have changed. The earnestness that Selena sees in them now is something new. She knows she should be angry at Beruka for making assumptions about her, but she doesn't know what to say, so she stays quiet.

"Sincerity is not one your strong suits..."

Selena rolls her eyes. "Thanks a lot."

" _ But _ , I have seen you demonstrate your affections towards those you care about in your own ways, and I've come to learn that you truly treasure the connections you have made," says Beruka. "If you truly had no intention of remembering us after you leave, why have you not discarded that pin?"

Selena reaches up to touch the little star brooch attached to her collar. "This is..."

"When you gifted me with this pin, you told me that these accessories were a symbol of our connection as friends and comrades," says Beruka.

Selena sighs for the umpteenth time. She feels like she’s deflating slowly, losing all this air. "I get it, okay? I admit it. I really will miss you guys, and trying to forget about you will only make things harder for me. I just...I've been through this before, and I’m not exactly eager about going through it again."

"You truly believe that we will never meet again."

Selena shrugs. "If you were in my situation, you would think the same. Trust me."

"Then that is all the more reason why you should accept Lady Camilla's parting gift to you," says Beruka, holding the axe up again. "It will protect you in her place."

Selena wants to say no again, can’t quite shake off the feeling that she has no right to take it, but the look in Beruka’s eyes is a good indication that it probably wouldn’t be a great idea to reject it again.

The weapon is heavy, its weight pulling all the way up to Selena’s shoulders as she lifts it to examine the blade. The metal is smooth and shines under the red lamplight, completely free of scratches. It is impeccably maintained. Selena recalls now that Camilla took care of this axe almost as if it were a pet. She can already tell, though, that it will be far too heavy for her to use at her current level. She's had minimal training in axe fighting, though of course she's not about to admit that to Beruka. She'll just need a little more practice, that's all.

"Beruka...thank you," says Selena.

"I will extend your gratitude to Lady Camilla."

"No, not just to her. To you too," says Selena. "For fighting by my side all this time, and for helping me protect Lady Camilla."

"It's nothing to get emotional about," says Beruka, though she ducks her head to hide her face. "I was only doing my job."

Selena smiles at the dusting of pink at the tips of Beruka's ears. "All right, I get it...Goodbye, Beruka."

Beruka nods lightly, and for a second it seems as if that's all she is willing to offer, not that Selena is surprised, but then she holds out her hand. "It has been an honor fighting by your side, Selena." 

Selena takes Beruka's hand and finds that it is surprisingly warm beneath the leather of her gloves. "My name is Severa." 

"I see...Severa," repeats Beruka. The name is somewhat inelegant on Beruka's tongue, but Selena feels a rush of affection hearing it from her nonetheless.

"Will you tell Lady Camilla? I-I know I'm never going to see you guys again, but I just...I'd like her to know. That that's my real name, I mean."

"Of course," says Beruka. "Goodbye, Severa."

Selena gives Beruka one last smile, and when Beruka smiles back, a shy, awkward,  _ warm _ smile that reaches her dark eyes, Selena wonders if she might be the first person to have ever seen it and hopes that Beruka will show it to Camilla someday, too. 

Beruka releases her hand. Something warm and heavy rests against Selena’s palm. She looks down and sees a familiar golden key. 

“Wait,” Selena says, but when she looks back up Beruka is already gone--and suddenly Selena once again finds herself standing alone in front of Camilla’s door. 

A chance to say goodbye, after all. 

The key will fit perfectly into the lock--Selena already knows this. She’s been entrusted with this key dozens of times. Yet her hand trembles as she turns it, and she can’t help but jump slightly at the  _ click _ of the lock coming undone. For the first time in a long time, Selena doesn’t know what to expect when she faces Camilla. Yet she desperately wants to see her all the same, just one last time. 

Selena leans Camilla’s axe against the wall out in the hall, then turns the handle on the door and steps into the room. 

“Lady Camilla?” She can’t help that her voice comes out small as she calls out. 

There is no reply. 

It’s dark inside. None of the lamps are lit, and the curtains have been drawn over the window, blocking out the moonlight. The quiet in the room automatically sets Selena on edge, but as her eyes adjust to the darkness her ears also pick up the sound of soft, even breathing.

Camilla is fast asleep in her bed, hair strewn across plush, satin-wrapped pillows and legs pulled up towards her chest like a child. Selena feels a twinge in her chest at the sight. The only time Camilla ever lets her guard down is when she sleeps, and she’s always careful about who gets to see her in such a vulnerable state. To the best of her knowledge, Selena is fairly certain that even Camilla’s siblings don’t often catch her sleeping--Camilla has only ever fully trusted Beruka and Selena in this aspect of her life. 

Camilla murmurs sometimes in her sleep, names or strings of gibberish that Selena has never been able to decipher. It is when she catches Camilla giggling on some rare nights--a light, serene sound that’s different from the way she usually laughs, free of the weight of the dark thoughts and responsibilities she carries when she’s awake--that Selena feels closest to her, allows herself that small swell of pride that she has earned such an intimate privilege so few others have. 

Camilla sleeps peacefully tonight, not even so much as stirring when Selena carefully lights the oil lamp at her desk. As the flame flickers to life, Selena watches the light and the shadows dance around each other against Camilla’s cheeks, and it’s then that she notices the faint traces of teartracks streaking down pale skin, the redness at the corner of her eyes. 

_ I’d cry my little eyes out if you left me _ ,” Camilla had told her once. Selena had laughed at the cute pout on her lips, the way she’d batted her eyelashes for comic effect. Now, she just wishes she could take it all back; this would have been so much easier if she’d just disappeared without saying anything--but so selfish as well, she realizes. 

Selena pulls Camilla’s bedsheets up over her shoulders, tucking them in beneath her neck and smoothing some of her hair down. Her liege sleeps on. 

Then, carefully, Selena leans down and places a feather-light kiss against Camilla’s forehead. 

“I love you,” she murmurs, and as she says it she knows that she will never love another like she did Camilla, if only because there will never be someone who loved her as Camilla did, as her servant and her friend--as her family. 

Selena closes her eyes and, for one fleeting moment, imagines staying. 

But even now, the thought sits wrong against her conscience. She remembers all too easily that there is still so much she’d left undone before she came here, and that’s the thing--she is just a visitor here. There was never actually a question of whether or not she would leave. It was only ever a matter of when. 

She opens her eyes again and, for just a moment longer, watches Camilla. She traces her gaze over her face, over round cheekbones and long lashes and a strong jaw, all features she’d long ago committed to memory. 

Selena stares until her eyes sting with the threat of tears, and she quickly switches the oil lamp off. 

“Goodbye,” she whispers into the dark, and leaves. 

After closing the door behind her, securing the lock back into place and tucking the key into her pocket (no one will miss it--she knows there are extras), she picks Camilla’s axe up and slides the shaft into the holster between her shoulderblades. 

The axe will be heavy on her back during their journey home, but it is a weight Selena is willing to bear, if only because it will help her miss Beruka and Camilla just a little less.

**Author's Note:**

> whether you interpret the relationship between the three or between selena and camilla as romantic is up to you. that was less important to me as just showing that there was some kind of sincere affection between all of them. thanks for reading!!


End file.
